Welcome back to the “Healthy Life” podcast. Today I’m going to take on a bit of a challenging issue today... that of complaints or complaining. Now don’t misunderstand or jump to conclusions because yesterday I was all about “attitude” and starting the day off right.
But, you say... what if I live with the biggest doubter and nay sayer alive? Someone who constantly berates me and reminds me or points out my new limitations or “failures” in their eyes. Or what if we are the caregiver and hear nothing but negativity from the person we are trying desperately and diligently to help. Both of these scenarios I’ve seen way to often and they can be devastating ... so how to deal with them... what do we do?
First it’s imperative to separate the comment or comments from the person making them. It’s ok to hate the comment but choose to love the person who made the comment ...despite their action or words... most often times they would have responded differently before the stroke or under a different circumstances... and, if not... if as you say they alway would have been mean or negative then you choose to respond (notice I said respond) rightly or in a right way.
Now you will notice I said respond and not react. Let’s take a moment to think... React is an immediate thoughtless action that is an immediate retort to the comment. A response, however, is a slower thought out action or verbal comeback that takes into account what we want to happen or a desired result. Now I do not always condone responses, they often harbor misguided thoughts or results that are not the best.
If you are on social media you often see “venting” and this “venting” is often allowed and encouraged but if you notice that the person is always venting, always negative... always complaining then they may be a “why-ner”.
What is a “Why-ner”? “Why-ners” are those people that are always asking why...or try to find different ways to try and pile up sympathy on their behalf... they revel in their victimhood... people who try and bring others into their world and bring them down, not raise them up. Don’t misunderstand we all have blue days and periodically ( even frequently early in stroke recovery) need positive thoughts and prayers... but I’ve witnessed a disturbing trend on social media of people who actually make it their mission in, what they see as their remaining life, to bringing others down... they seem to make it a goal. I praise group moderators who see this and ferret it out and block this behavior. It can be a destructive behavior and I’ve seen groups devastated by this.
Social media groups have a great place and a tremendous ability to offer hope, encouragement, answers, and yes a place to appropriately vent and seek help! But please remember these groups are tools to help in your recovery. I cannot say enough good things about the many people they bring together, the help they offer and the hope that they provide those who would otherwise be stuck and alone.
I recently saw a post that was proceeded by the statement that the individual was “venting” her frustration and seeking suggested answers to her situation! Awesome! That’s the right way... reach out, look for and ask for answers. I’m also aware of people who post once a week how miserable they are and how tough they have it and ask “if anyone else feels this way?” I guess it begs the question... what did you hope to hear from respondents? If that individual posted that once in while I’d be okay with that but I know this person and they do this regularly... every two weeks... those who know this individual also get worn out and tired.
We have to be aware of who we are, what we say, and the implications that are a result of what we say. For those who are caregivers and hear negative things daily from those they care for... my heart goes out to you. You need to practice self care! Take time out, away, and in the presence of positive people... seek support from other caregivers, medical professionals, social workers in your community or hospital or clinic.... meet with community help agencies, friends or your church... get support or help as you need it. If you are at your wits end... email me... I’ll help!
As a caregiver your role is critical and too many times it falls to family to pick up the slack. As a stroke survivor myself I understand... I had 3 young children when I suffered my stroke... my husband struggled with my coming home. At three years post stroke I was spiraling down both emotionally and physically and my family felt I was destined to die within two years. Well that was 14 + years ago! There are answers and there is hope and help. And for those who are discouraged ... please let me know! I’m for you!
Well that’s all the time we have for today ... I’m glad that there are answers and ways to deal with negativity ... thanks for joining me today and look forward to sharing with you again tomorrow, ...please feel free to leave me a message at stroke.global or on Facebook @stroke.global, I enjoy seeing them all.
It really is an honor and it’s been a pleasure sharing today and I hope you’ve enjoyed this podcast... we keep it brief so it’s easy to add to your day... we want to thank our sponsor TCM Restoration for helping us provide this venue. Feel free to share this podcast with others, offer your feedback and questions and follow us online on our website stroke.global or on our Facebook page. See you back here tomorrow!