Welcome back to the Health Life Podcast - helping stroke survivors, caregivers, and families conquer challenges to go beyond rehabilitation to restoration of your body and your life.
Today I want to talk about a question that was just sent to me that reads ‘I don’t know why I lived? I’m so mad at what I am now... what am I supposed to do...I just want to die’ - Mark
It’s easy to deflect that question or try and sidestep the obvious but after surviving my stroke... I battled with that question in my mind. I’ve often said that those who don’t think about wanting to die either didn’t suffer a severe stroke, aren’t being honest with themselves, or are a far better person than I. For the record... I fought with those thoughts for years. It seemed that when I could think, all I thought of was what I couldn’t do! The list was long and seemed to expand minute by minute. I was seeming reminded of what I could do with everything I attempted. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t feel, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t even speak right... talk about depressing! I found out the hard way I couldn’t even wipe away my tears. I was miserable! I remember one night thinking of wanting to die but soon realized that I couldn’t physically do anything and felt if I tried I would not be successful and wind up in a worse condition than I was.
So why do I share this.... why be so obvious and blatant? Because you need to hear, accept, and understand that others have felt that same fear, anger and frustration... that as hard as it may seem you are alive and people who love you rejoice in this fact.
It’s easy to think if we were gone everything would be better... Not so, different... to be sure... but not better. We are alive and survived to learn and teach, to give and to receive, to love and be loved! It’s a tough lesson to learn!
I’m 17 plus years post stroke an I didn’t find answers for my restoration until 3 years after my stroke but I persevered in looking during that time. Did I get down.... sure! Feel depressed and discouraged ... a lot! But I maintained hope! Look... I don’t claim to be able to help or heal everyone but you better believe I will help those I can! For that reason I can not ignore this comment or question. When we suffered our stroke we were effected, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It is important to understand and acknowledge that fact. To toss out any portion of that will bite you in the butt!
So you need to have one person, at least one, that you can look to. Someone who will give you hope! Someone who will stick by you, encourage you, and keep you accountable. We all need that person in our life...and especially now when so many live “fake” or artificial lives online. Those of us who have suffered strokes struggle all the more and it’s important to acknowledge the pain and challenge but we need to see that we control our future. For many they can look to their spouse, a good friend or a child. If you feel alone... then I will be there for you! But you need a helper! We’ll talk more about attitude tomorrow. Thanks for joining us a helping us become the number one stroke podcast online.
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That’s all for today and remember although I can’t change your past but I can help you build your future!